


Preserving you

by Phantisocial



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Abuse, Anxiety, F/F, Lesbian AU, Polyamory, Self Harm, Smut, drug usage, school au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 08:59:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7428424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantisocial/pseuds/Phantisocial
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: It takes a lot to save someone. It takes a lot to watch as they break themselves apart each and every  time you try to fix them – but it was worse to stand by and watch someone else break them whilst you knew what was going on. To watch as they hurt someone you love, to watch that fire in their eyes burn away with despair, only to be replaced with false happiness for your sake.</p>
<p>It was also easy to decide not to help someone, but Violet, Pearl and Trixie were determined above all else to save Katya from the things that were determined to hurt her – even if it meant saving Katya from herself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Preserving you

"Trixie, show Katya to your dorm, she'll be residing with you, Pearl and Violet for this term," the rather stressed tone of Miss Visage barked out as she tried to prise tearful first years away from their parents.  
Trixie could relate in a way, the feeling of being seperated from your parents for the first time - foreign even. Being thrust into a place with unfamiliar faces and new rules.   
She turned to the new girl, her new living companion with a sense of apprehension. Her, Pearl and Violet were in a polyamorous relationship and all three of them had their qualms about trying to keep their relationship secret with a roommate.  
Trixie's breath hitched slightly when she fully took in Katya's appearance. Blonde hair melted into a soft shade of light brown at the very tip of some of the curls that swung loosely at the ends of Katya's hair. A clearly too thin face stared back at Trixie, wide defiant eyes, hazel at first glance but as Trixie stared secretly more - she could see deeper tints of deep green.   
The third thing Trixie noticed about Katya was that her eyes were hollow. Dark rings lined the underside of Katya's eyes, the shadow still visible despite the makeup that was lightly ghosted over the girls face.   
"Do you need a hand with your things?" Trixie asked with a smile, her tone light and airy, desperately hoping that she didn't come across too keen to please.   
Katya shook her head slowly, even the simple action delicately done with a supple ease that Trixie admired. "If you're sure," she mumbled under her breath and started walking, unable to tell if Katya was following her by how quiet the other girl was.  
"You'll be staying with me and two other girls," she explained without looking behind her as she manoeuvred her way around the long wooden halls that led to their room. "We're on the top floor - it's annoying in the mornings, you have to take away the time it takes to get to the breakfast hall from your makeup time. But it's not that bad, miss visage doesn't really bother coming to enforce lights out and we can get away with a lot more than the other girls can up here."   
Trixie stopped and turned towards Katya with a smile as she went up the last flight of stairs and opened the door to Katya's new home.   
"Bitches we're back!" Katya heard Trixie exclaim excitedly before a false groan of, "get a fucking room."  
Katya entered quickly, desperate to get away from these new people and scout out someone who could show her the best places to smoke.   
The two other girls, Violet and Pearl she assumed - from what Trixie had mentioned earlier. Her delicately groomed eyebrow rose as she took in the smears of lipstick on Pearl's neck, the exact same shade as the colour Violet was wearing.   
"Katya isn't it? Hi!" Violet exclaimed, her hand covering Pearls, "I'm Violet," she nudged the girl besides her after her introduction, but to no avail. "And this sloth is Pearl, she's usually not this quiet, we're glad to have you here, Katya," she added as Trixie came and sat down on the bed they were all sat on.   
Katya stared back at them unsurely, she didn't want to speak. Didn't want to toss out biting words that would turn these girls against her but she couldn't afford to make bonds of friendships. Instead she nodded sharply and surveyed the room. The walls were lined with a black wallpaper which, when she stepped closer allowed her to see that it wasn't all black. Tiny flecks of glitter radiated back at her and she smiled unconsciously as she felt her body relax slightly. Four beds were in a row, the one nearest the window empty, waiting for Katya to place her belongings there.   
She could feel the other girls' eyes on her as she positioned her trunk with her belongings at the foot of her bed and started to shift through her night bag for things she could place on the small table next to her bed.  
"Need help unpacking?" Trixie offered, a forced cheerfulness in her usually charismatic tone. Before Katya could give back a weak smile and a nod, she heard the harsh tone of Violet whispering, "more like do you need help packing your shit back up, nobody wants her here."   
The atmosphere in the room grew tense at Violets words, "нет, спасибо," (no thanks) Katya snapped, the other girls unable to understand her words but reeling backwards from the forceful growl that Katya uttered them with.   
Katya was stupid. Stupid to think that she could to school in England and think for one minute that she would be okay. Katya had learnt the hard way that nothing was ever okay, especially not for her.   
Half an hour. Half an hour was all it took for Katya to find somewhere that she could go outside and smoke on her own and an extra ten minutes to find where all the other smokers went. Sharon, Alaska and Phi Phi didn't seem the sort to carry contraband cigarettes in their Versace bags but Katya couldn't say she was disappointed when a cigarette was handed to her.  
"Katya," she said in reply to their silent question, "I'm from Russia and now I'm here," her tone left seldom to question and all three girls knew that any other questions would not be tolerated nor well received.   
In a roundabout fashion that left Katya wondering if they were suddenly in primary school again, they introduced themselves. Sharon and Phi Phi were the year above Katya, whilst Alaska was in the same year as her and the girls in her dorm. They'd all be there for three years and knew the ins and outs of the entire school. Which luckily for Katya, meant that they knew exactly where to hide cigarettes and other illicit objects.   
"So you're boarding with the Azelia dorm girls," Sharon stated with a puff of her cigarette, tapping away the burning embers carefully so they didn't fall down and dirty her skirt and white knees.   
"Their decent enough," Alaska chipped in, her low voice drawling out the ending of the words. "Violet and Pearl have been here for as long as us and Trixie came the year before them - calls herself practically a founder of the school." Alaska's tone although still airy and low had a slight bitterness underlaying her words.   
"Don't mind this bitch," Phi Phi interrupted, "She's still pissy over the fact that Violet turned her down when she was drunk at one of the school formals in their first year," the other girl explained.   
"You can probably see that Lasky's moved on from Violet by now," she accompanied her words with a nod in the direction of the corner of what Katya was going to dub "the smoking tree."   
Sharon and Alaska were locked in each other gaze, Alaska letting out the rings of smoke from her nearly out cigarette into Sharon's mouth.  
It bothered Katya. It bothered her a lot more than she tried to let on, turning her face away from such a sickening display of compassion and togetherness. Glimpses of memories and sounds flit past her in a broken sequence, "pathetic girl," the harsh voice of her father, "Отвратительно девушка , урод," the low growl of her mother.  
"Katya?Katya? What the fuck, bitch are you okay?" Phi Phi's tone grew more insistent as she and Sharon stepped forward to see why the Russian girl had suddenly paled violently.   
"I'm fine," Katya mumbled instinctively, her voice weak as her eyes searched for her father’s eyes, watching her. Expecting to see the familiar fire in his gaze dancing across her skin.  
Sharon exchanged a sharp look with the other two girls who nodded in unison. "Hey, Sharon's dad always buys her a fuck ton of booze before she comes back to school to last her through the year. It takes three of us to hide it completely but we've never been caught yet. Anyway; we usually wait a while to start it but you look like you need a drink," Phi Phi offered, the ghost of concern still ringing in her voice.   
Katya nodded slowly. Alcohol was something she knew, something she knew exactly how to deal with. She craved the exotic feeling of being free, away from the burden of what she knew was going to come back for her.   
She barely noticed how dark the sky had become, the once cerulean sky masked with the cool ink of night. But she paid it no mind, Katya would rather stay out here and forget everything than sit in a room and listen to how much she wasn't wanted. 

It was almost funny how the girls in her dorm could hate her over nothing, exactly like her parents.   
*****

"She's been gone six hours, Trixie! Six fucking hours, do you know how much Miss Visage is going to kill us when she find out -" Violets frantic exclamations were interrupted by a soft knock at the door and a reply of,   
"Finds out what, Violet?" Miss Visage asked sternly, but the intonation of power was lacking. The girls had been at the school for so long by now that Miss Visage had become a companion of sorts and an equal balance of respect and understanding had been found between them.   
At the silence of the three girls who were all in various degrees of lying and sitting on Violets bed, their house mistress came and sat down on the bed next to them, a heavy smile on her face. "Where's Katya, Trixie?" She asked softly and Trixie felt a pang of guilt ring through her at the words, she was the one who was supposed to be looking after Katya, making her feel at home there. They all knew how lonely and scary being the new girl was, but it was even worse at boarding school.  
"I just had a phone call," Miss Visage rubbed her hand across her neck wearily. "Off Katya's grandmother, she asked me to make sure that Katya doesn't go home for the holidays, not until she finishes her education. Says the family doesn't want her back. I only tell you this in confidence, girls. I need you to make Katya feel welcome," Miss Visage's voice trailed away hoping that she didn't let on what she thought was going on in Katya's home to the girls.   
Violet felt as if she was being chocked. As if all the air in the room was being taken away from her, it was her words that had sent Katya running our of the door. "It was m-" She started, about to come clean about what she had said and the way Katya had reacted.   
"A headache, it was a headache," Pearl added, unable to keep looking at the desolate expression on Violets face. "She wanted some quiet and must have fallen asleep in the common room, we were just about to go down there and check on her. You know what it's like on the first day of term, we're so excited to see each other again that our room isn't quiet enough for her to rest." Violet and a Trixie winced at the blatant lie, knowing full well that Miss Visage knew that they had all spent the large majority of their summer together and when they wasn't together, they were skyping and texting.   
"I'll leave her some painkillers on the table outside your room then, tell her to take two if the she needs them. As soon as Katya comes up, you need to go sleep, and actually sleep this time girls - I still haven't forgotten the pizza extravaganza of last term," she commented with a slight smile before heading out of their room, her tiredness visible. 

"We need to find Katya," Trixie hissed before pressing a kiss to Violet's cheek and wrapping her arm around Pearl's waist. "But is she going to want to see us," she added quietly, pulling her legs underneath her so Pearl could lean back against her. "We haven't exactly been welcoming, perhaps we should wait for her to come back to us and ten start over again, try and make her feel settled?"   
Pearl twisted her body around so that she could press a kiss to Trixie's lips, grabbing hold of Violets hand at the same time to pull her closer to them. 

"Stop worrying, Trix, she'll come back and we'll apologise for not making the feel more at home earlier." Pearl soothed, her voice low and soft as she cuddled in between her girlfriends with a pout on her face. 

"Now, aren't any of you going to kiss me?"   
***

"Katya, you're fucking wasted," Phi Phi laughed as she grabbed onto Katya's arm to stop her falling down the stairs on the way to her room, "Why the fuck does your room have to be so high up." 

A false smile ghosted Katya's face for Phi Phi's benefit only, the alcohol hadn't made Katya feel better. It was her first day of school and she's already resorted to alcohol to solve her problems like some common drunkard.

She was just like her father.

Without realising it, tears were starting to roll down her face and she was letting out heaving sobs, her mind twisting as she tried to comprehend how afraid she was. Afraid that she was going to turn out like her father, afraid that she was going to be alone but afraid that she would allow herself to become close to any of the girls at the school. Terrified that she'd fall into such bad habits again, which she'd already done. 

Katya was afraid of herself. 

"Hey bitch which room is yours- oh. Katya? Do you need anything? Do you want to stay with us in our dorm tonight?" Phi Phi asked, eager to stop the tears rolling down Katya's face. 

"N-n-no I'm fine, I'm good," Katya lied through her teeth, "but could I have your number?" She asked hesitantly, but the fear was soon washed away by Phi Phi grabbing her phone and handing it to Katya. 

"Here put your number and I'll text you, you can text me whenever you need too - I mean it bitch, we all enjoyed tonight with you. Now go try and get some sleep." 

Katya nodded again and smiled at Phi Phi, glad for some form of friendship being offered to her but her stomach was soon twisting with anxiety again. She couldn't afford to make friends or get too close to people, she'd just end up hurting them.   
She opened the door to their room softly, slipping inside, not noticing three pairs of eyes watching her warily. 

"Katya?" Trixie's whisper carried out across the room, "Katya are you okay?"

She tried to swallow the sobs that were coming out but she couldn't, great gasping breaths as tears continued to soak her tshirt. "отвяжись," she chocked out before climbing into her bed, fully clothed, mind fogged over with the nearly uncomfortable cloud of alcohol. 

"Is she drunk?" Katya heard Violet hiss from across the room and then the sound of sock clad feet padding across the wooden floor. Trixie was sat on the bed next to her, which left Katya to realise that Pearl's bed was next to Violet's; so she'd be in close proximity with Trixie constantly – not that she was particularly far away from Violet or Pearl either.

"Katya? We, we just wanted to say that we're all really sorry for the way we acted earlier and - and that we're really excited to have you stay with us. We really hope you can forgive us and that we can all be friends."   
She nodded instinctively, just wanting Trixie to go away and leave her alone. Her shoulders were still shaking and her soft sobs were masked by the pillow over her mouth. 

She felt a gentle touch ghost across her back and she stiffened, nobody touched her. Nobody ever touched her unless they wanted to hurt her and she had come to resent and fear any slightest form of body contact with another person.   
An extra weight added to the bottom of her bed as all three girls came and sat near her. "Now can you tell us what's wrong, Katya? It's alright to miss your family you know - being away from home -"

Trixie words were cut off by the panic rising in Katya's throat as she felt her walls crumble down on her once more. Lacking her subtle grace she'd gained from gymnastics, she ran out of the room to puke in the toilets.   
How dare they have the audacity to mention home and wave it in front of her that they had families who clearly missed them when they went away. Not for the first time in her life, Katya curled up next to the porcelain bowl and sicked up again - the bitter taste of vomit a sick reminder of how life was at home. 

Katya had never been safe, 

And here was no different.


End file.
